Anybody who knows me really well will be kind enough to admit that my mind is the physical representation of a drop slide. A drop slide you say? Take yourself back to those egg and cheese stinking indoor Children's play centres, the ones with the verruca infested ball pools of death and the rolling cylinders that you have to squeeze through, which are to blame for the stunt in growth of those mountains we women call boobs on our chests (at a young age constantly wishing your chest away so that you can squeeze through these bitches and tag the ginger bully kid ahead has a detrimental effect on your booby's growth in later life- objective research yet to be undertaken, but for now this can be added to my plethora of reasons behind my lack of breasticles) I used to walk in that place the queen of 'Go Bananas' and be dragged out kicking and screaming defeated by the same ginger kid who led me naively into a future of flat chasteness and who rejected the sense of 'share' or 'play'- my face was rather 'mush bananas' than 'Go bananas'.
But anyway once you are old and wise enough (roughly at the ripe age of 8) you get to the top of the play area, which at the time is like climbing to the base camp of everest. But finally you make it only to be confronted with this massive drop slide. When I was younger I would literally sit there for half an hour watching all of the brave kids take the plunge only to get up and walk away crying. These drop slides are horrendous, you know in Lion King when Simba and Nala slide into the Elephant graveyard where all is grim and nasty- its like that and we all know how that ended (naughty Simba!)
And this has impacted me and the way my mind works later in life. At the top of that drop slide all I felt was 'YES DO IT ALL THE OTHER KIDS ARE YAY!' but then this unreconcilable fear entered my pigtailed head... If you go down this drop slide you will definitely die. And what is worse is that this irrational and ad hoc way of thinking has followed me to maturity and to the actually ripe age of 21. I am so unbelievably illogical in my train of thought that it normally ends with the consequence of me doing something is dying. Or failing.
The reason behind this story is my utter frustration with myself that I can't even be that normal slightly rebellious person that every student has in them, I just want to skip a class once in a while and sleep in watching Frozen Planet and Young Apprentice. What does my mind say 'No Laura, you will die'. On the contrary this is one of the reasons that I have never taken drugs and never will take drugs so at once my drop slide mentality is a bitch and a blessing.
Fucking Go Bananas.
No comments:
Post a Comment